2015 might be a great year for
someone else but definitely not me. I’ve
experienced so much lost and heartache throughout the year. It was a year that
matured me in a most shocking way. Yes, I do agree to say that I felt no
happiness in 2015 is a blatant lie. I was really happy on many occasions, I did
try to enjoy life each day of the year but the pain and stress was most
memorable out of all. Because the lost never ceased from reminding me what I
could have and would never own anymore. Many times I tried and ended up losing
again. And the funny fact was that I kept on trying until all my chances ran
out. And I still didn’t succeed.
I felt suffocated and lost my
purposes. All my life, I fought for this particular thing. It was a treasure I
chased after in my 23 years. Then someone told me it no longer exist, I have
lost my timing in finding the treasure. I was beaten in an instant. I’ve lost.
I couldn’t accept this harsh truth.
In the midst of painful memory,
my solution was to forget that it had ever take place, to pretend that the
treasure seeking was non-exist. A major coward I am, I do realize. Whenever my
family members brought up the subject again, my emotion changed dramatically
into dark. I felt instantly hopeless, helpless. I couldn’t help but tried to
ignore the pain. I thought times would heal but it’s a lie. Time never brought
any changes but the continuous lingering feeling of lost.
This kind of life I lived for
many months and I began to realize that life is too damn short to be wasted this way. Enough of sulking and self-pitying, I still need to live.
Then one of the life greatest
jokes had taken place just when I mustered up my courage to wake up. I fought
again and I failed once more. And many made fun of my effort and transformed it
into a biggest joke of the year. Some people tend to feel good when others suffer.
However, perhaps it’s because my
tolerance level has increased or due to some changes of my attitude toward
life, I refused to allow these nonsense to discourage me. I still haven’t
overturned my failure and I am still looking for a way to turn the table
around. But, at least this time I will try not to be a coward.
If only I understand this theory earlier
and not until almost at the end of 2015, perhaps 2015 won’t be such a bitter
memory to me. Nevertheless, better late than never, since it’s too late to
regret.
Once again, Goodbye 2015.
